


In the rain

by baektobasics



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, daisuga - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:34:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27194488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baektobasics/pseuds/baektobasics
Summary: And finally I realized, how much he really meant to me.
Relationships: Sawamura Daichi & Sugawara Koushi, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi
Kudos: 24





	In the rain

**Author's Note:**

> Listened to "She's in the rain" by The Rose on repeat while writing this. It's such a beautiful song :"3  
> I suck at first person #sorry

~*~

Suga had always had the most stunning smile. I had always been aware of this but never before, more so than at this moment.

We were walking back home from school, the sky was gray, heavy thunder rolling in the distance and rain pouring down on us in a soft but unrelenting shower. I was lagging a few feet behind, struggling with my own umbrella. I looked up as Suga laughingly told me to stop being a  
klutz and hurry up and felt my breath being caught at the sight that met me.

His soft, silver hair was highlighted by the dark sky and the pretty, dark blue umbrella flecked with glimmering stars, Asahi got him for his last birthday. He was looking at me bemusedly yet fondly with glittering, warm eyes and a bright, soft smile on his face. Objectively speaking I always knew how beautiful my best friend was, but never before did it make my heart stutter in my chest and my head spin. I will forever remember this moment in the rain, the second the world around me stopped spinning and seemed to mute.

If asked, I couldn't tell you how many people surrounded us or how many seconds passed before I managed to get my bearings again. There was only Koushi. Beautiful, stunning, kindhearted Sugawara Koushi.

And it only took that moment for me to realize, that it had always been that way, always ever been only Koushi I saw.

Ever since that moment, things had changed. Sometimes in more obvious and sometimes in subtle, little ways that only Suga and I could see. The difference between us was, that whereas I was aware of the reason for this, the beautiful setter was not. Sometimes it was big and obvious things we'd get strange looks for like Suga taking my arm and me freezing up, a response as foreign to our relationships as a dolphin on a mountainside. Other things weren't as obvious to others. I would try to steer clear of deep talks as much as I could and the times of me coming over to his house during the week, decreased significantly. I just couldn't quite meet his eyes anymore, too ashamed of the things I longed for most, too ashamed that I'd always end up dropping my gaze to his lips anyways, too ashamed of the minute twitching in my fingers whenever the urge to reach for his soft hands got too much.

My helpless attitude towards my own feelings put a strain on our relationship and though Suga tried to give me time to sort out my head, knowing I wouldn't want to talk about it soon, it was only getting worse and the looks Suga threw me got more dejected by the day. My worst fear was losing him over my feelings, but burying them didn't seem to work quite as well as I had hoped. On the contrary, it seemed to make things worse and kick-start the deterioration of our relationship to unfathomable degrees.

~*~

It was a joint practice match with the girls, when even the team couldn't quietly watch the train-wreck of our relationship anymore. The ball hit my face for what felt like the dozens time that practice alone, lately always too distracted by a certain petite setter to watch the ball or follow the match properly. “What is wrong with you two, did you break-up or something? You are all weird!” Noya didn't seem to be able to hold it in anymore and burst out in the middle of Kageyama and Hinata training their quick on the side, the latter of whom missed the spike spectacularly and almost face-planted if it hadn't been for the firm grip the blue eyed setter had on his biceps.

“W-what do you mean? Together? Why didn't you tell me?” Michimiya asked, seemingly upset that her friends hadn't told her.

“No! No, no, no!” I said hurriedly, not wanting anyone to bother Suga with that kind of talk. I didn't want him to be awkward and put on the spot because of me. “No way! Suga and I are bestfriends.” With that and one of my quelling infamous captain death glares, I managed to shut the dumb foursome up and reassured Michimiya that we'd never hide something like that from her or our other friends.

  
After that, practice, for the first time in forever, passed efficiently.

It was raining again as we were walking home after practice, Suga being unusually quiet. He gave me one weak, tired smile and muttered a halfhearted goodbye before I watched with slumped shoulders as he disappeared inside his house, his usual glow exchanged for a washed out, lifeless gray.

I rubbed my face tiredly and headed on home. There was no use in doing anything other tonight. The growing distance between us helped me keep my feelings at bay, but even more so did it hurt Suga, the very person I claimed to love the most.

~*~

It was one of the, nowadays, rare nights Suga and I decided on a movie night at my house. It was Friday and as always we were leaving school together. It was quiet as we walked and I watched as Suga hesitantly opened his mouth before closing it again and swallowing heavily.

I sensed him stopping beside me and hesitantly turned around to face him.  
“Listen Daichi.. I know there's something bothering you, I have known from the start. And though it hurts that you don't seem to feel comfortable enough with me anymore to tell me these things and confide in me, please talk to someone you are more comfortable with and get help. I can't watch you anymore as it gets worse and worse. Please just talk to someone you trust.” The implied: “I know that person isn't me anymore” ringing loud and clear in between them.

I tried to say something. Anything, really. But the words just wouldn't leave my mouth. I opened and closed it a few more times, Suga patiently waiting for me to speak, before smiling sadly and turning around with downcast eyes.

The rest of the evening was as quiet as the first part. We sat closer than we had for some time, yet the gap between us had never felt bigger. We had always been close, so why did it seem like we were so far apart suddenly. Two movies in and Suga fell asleep, his breath leaving his parted, pink lips in soft puffs and his eyelashes fluttering softly against his smooth, velvety skin, creating deep shadows and hiding the gems that seemed to glow with infinite patience and kindness at whomever was graced with his gentle presence.

I tucked the sleeping setter in and rolled onto my side, deciding that I had to confide in him soon. Our relationship was only getting worse as it was, at last being honest could erase a bit of Sugas doubt at my trust in him. If only that. I sighed tiredly before closing my eyes to a restless sleep and confusing dreams.

~*~

A week had passed and things were even worse. Suga wasn't laughing or smiling anymore and he started coming to practice late, sporting red rimmed eyes. He would barely meet anyone's eyes and lacked his usual supportive and positive nature.

To my surprise it was Asahi who gave me the last push into acting. The poor giant himself looked almost as bad as Suga and I, always havin' been rather sensitive and empathetic. “Daichi..” It was only the whisper of my name, but it was enough, told me more than an entire essay could have. His saddened, big eyes and the way he tiredly breathed my name, speaking for themselves.

It was Saturday night, the clock striking eleven thirty, when I saw a figure moving down the street through the rain blurred windows of my room. Even though he wore a drenched hoody, I would always recognize my bestfriend. Putting on my rain jacket and grabbing a spare one I rushed down the stairs, past the living-room where my parents where still watching TV and outside the door into the night, where I was met by the harsh howling wind and icy daggers of rain. The thunder picked up in the distance and lightning struck the horizon as I ran after him. Everything seemed like a twisted version of the night I first realized my feelings for Suga and I shuddered as I picked up my speed to catch up to him.

I was only a few hundred meters behind, when I called out for him to stop. I watched as his thin back shuddered, his arms trembling helplessly at his side. He had never seemed so small. “Suga...” I called out weakly again, my blue tinged lips trembling and air leaving my mouth in uneven breaths.

He turns around and I'm met with the same trembling lips and red rimmed eyes to be found on myself. He looks absolutely worn out. Lifeless.

“Dai..” He trails off and swallows heavily. “I can't..” He chokes on his words and I want nothing more than to take him into my arms and never let go ever again.

“What.. can't you..” The words leave my mouth in a trembling mess and I kind of hate myself in that moment, realizing that I don't want to know, because I'm sure the answer is about to break my heart. He steps closer on unsure, weak legs, almost like a newborn fawn taking its first, shaky steps and lets himself fall into my chest. The wind is picking up around us and I'm sure we are drenched to the very bones right now. I don't feel any of it though. I don't feel the cold biting my skin, or the thunder assaulting my ears, don't smell the wet earth. I see, feel, hear and smell only the boy in my arms.

“Why won't you love me..” It leaves his lips as quiet as the falling of snow, in such a broken yet reverent way, he almost seems to be scared to destroy the fragile and tentative closeness we share in that moment. His desperate sobbing, turns into silent tears and I ask myself how these seem to be even worse. Even more hopeless.

“What..?”

“Why am I not good enough?” Suga's silent tears, turn into soft sniffles as he grabs my jacket in a death grip and burrows his head into my chest.

“Suga..” I trail off, not believing a single thing I hear, my heart cautiously reaching out to feel hope again.

“No.. No.. you like Michimiya.. I know that.” He starts shaking his head rapidly. “I'm sorry. It's no wonder you distanced yourself from me and thought you couldn't talk to me about it. I shouldn't have always tried to keep you two apart. That was wrong. It was selfish, I haven't been a good friend in a long time..” He loosens his hold and takes three steps back, crossing his arms protectively in front of his chest.

“Suga.” I closed my eyes, relieve flooding every corner of my body. “It was only ever you.” I took his shivering hands in mine and took a step closer, the spare jacket laying forgotten in a puddle next to my feet.“I couldn't fathom a single scenario, were beautiful, talented, perfect Sugawara Koushi would ever settle for someone as average as me. I thought I already used up all my luck with just getting to be your best friend.”

He looked up at me with big, surprised eyes, glittering droplets falling from his long lashes. It was impossible to tell if they were tears or just rain.

I took a shaky breath and pulled my hands away, causing his smile to falter for a moment, before it turned absolutely radiant as I encased his face in my big hands. “I love you, Koushi.”

I leaned in slowly to kiss him, giving him ample time to realize how much better he could do, how much better than Sawamura Daichi. I can't tell you how relieved I was, that didn't happen. We were soaked, shivering and cold. But there was no wind hounding me, only Sugas hands on my nape, no thunder, only the beating of his heart, no lightning, only the love struck smiles on our faces.

It was absolutely perfect.

It was in the rain that I realized how much I loved him and it was in the rain that I realized how much he loved me too.

~~*~~


End file.
